Taking one day at a time.

This is why I named my blog what it is. I need to take one day at a time.While I understand planning ahead, I am trying NOT to do that. Here are my reasons why:

-I started bleeding. As I have had a previous unexplained miscarriage, I called up the midwife and had my blood beta levels tested and an ultrasound. I showed to be measuring 5w5d, with levels at 14,000. Normal. within 48 hrs they had almost doubled. Pretty normal. The ultrasound showed a blood clot between the placenta and the uterine wall, which could cause miscarriage, or just be absorbed. Also, pretty normal. Instead of freaking out, I got frustrated. I spent a week frustrated. I have another ultrasound tomorrow to see if we have growth and a heartbeat. If not....well, such is life. I have realized that while it hurts to consider losing another baby, life goes on.

-I am raising two kids right now. That shit is hard. Between mountains of laundry, homework, class trips, library time, making sure they meet their book reading quotas, getting them outside to exercise and play, and breaking up tiffs, I've got enough on my mind. Life goes on.

-I am married. Married life has its own balance. It requires maintenance. It needs love and touch and kisses, too. My husband is a wonderful man with needs as well, and I don't drop the ball on him. He is my lifeline, and we help each other. So what if I need new toenail polish applied pronto? I've got to go snuggle my man. Life goes on.

-I am trying to decide if I am enough of a warrior to stop letting the medical world scare me and just make a decision on having a homebirth. I have been battling the insurance companies enough, and have realized that while they will give me what they want, that isn't what I want. I am not going to go through another birth where I feel pushed around. I need to be strong and let my body do what its made to do. Life goes on.

-I am tired. I have been pushing back against technology lately. Leaving my phone places and forgetting about it. (It helps its also seriously malfunctioning.) I am getting sick of Facebook. Instagram isnt so fun anymore. I want to be a hermit and be left to my own devices...namely not tech-y ones. Weird.

-I want to remember how empowered motherhood is. I want to remember the immense strength I felt holding my newborn and knowing I could take over the world. But right now, I am worn out and in need of quiet. Naps. Pickles. Library books. Cats. Yarn. Things like that. Hibernation sounds good for a short while.

So here we are, at this point in my life. I am taking it one day at a time, quietly. Hoping for heartbeats, spring winds, more love and some peace. Life goes on.

I took a trip, and my house got smaller.

I took a trip recently. My stepdaughter has come to stay for a while. She is 6, and I am tired. Not a bad tired, but a small-girl-is-asking-me-why-a-lot-recently, happy, adjusting to a new lifestyle tired. I have suddenly been thrust into the world of elementary school politics, after school activities, new girlfriends, schedules and lunch menus. I was looking forward to ramping up to all of this in the next few years with Leif entering part-time preschool, but nope. That's not what the Universe had in mind when mid January, 2014 came around. It said, "Kate, you don't have enough to keep you busy. You spend entirely too much time on Pinterest. Let's find you some new hobbies. Let's NOT get pregnant this month. Let's give you a challenge."

And so it did.

Here we are. My tiny house got tinier. But stepdaughter is pure joy, and I love being a mama to two. They are two little colliding universes, sometimes in unison, sometimes smashing together and creating new worlds. They are funny, smart and beautiful. They are a joy to watch, and a joy to teach. I am learning more about myself as a mother, and as a woman, in the last few days than I ever thought possible. The remind me that life is such a wonderful string of moments, and that mine is dripping with jewels and pearls. I will leave this world someday bedecked with such joy, I will glow like the sun.

I will leave this quote with you, as it is reminding me that stepping up to the challenges can be so rewarding:

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” -Paul Coelho

Yep. It's January.

“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

It has been an interesting week for me, with people in my life. I am trying to accept that changes come in all shapes and sizes, and that sometimes, you just really want to throw someone off a building. (I'm sorry if you cam here thinking this is a nice blog. It's not, really.) Through all of this, I have been trying to keep my hair on, and try not to scream too loudly. With each new tidbit, I try to imagine a drop in a bucket, and luckily, the bucket has a small hole in the bottom. It's not going to overflow. Whew. That doesn't seem to stop the drops, though.

I would tell you all about it, but chances are, I would offend. And I just can't handle offending the internet right now. Sorry, Internet. You are so fickle. 

So here I am. My kiddo seems to have a mild stomach bug, causing him to poo more than I care to deal with. My dogs are grumpy because it is so cold here and I refuse to stand around while they cavort on a walk, crashing into shrubbery. My eyebrows are going to freeze and fall off. My house is a massive sieve, and has no real insulation, being a log cabin with crappy chinking. I have the drive to eat everything in my refrigerator, just because, and then hibernate under my down comforter till spring. (I swear, I am a bear in a woman's body.) And damn it, I bought a butt-load of whole food, which means I can cook my ass off to make a bunch of healthy food, or just eat raw veg. I'm so lazy. 

I'n better, more positive news, I am happy, healthy and my hair is growing it's 47 installment of baby fuzz since my son was born almost 2 1/2 years ago. I have a halo. 

I'm so lucky. 

I'm linking with Life of Meg over here!