This week brought the news that Robin Williams has left this plane of existence, apparently by his own hand. While I was terribly sad at the loss, I was also hurt. Not mad at him for deciding that suicide is the way to end his pain, but sad because I felt such a connection with him through the movie What Dreams May Come, and because of that, I felt pain because of my belief about suicide.
I could spend days explaining the ins and outs of the book, What Dreams May Come, and why it impacts my beliefs, but I feel that if you want to know, you can read it for yourself. The movie is beautiful, but the book is perfect. The quote from it that catches in my throat is this:
“…They think of suicide as a quick route to oblivion, an escape. Far from it. It merely alters a person from one form to another. Nothing can destroy the spirit. Suicide only precipitates a darker continuation of the same conditions from which escape was sought. A condition under circumstances so much more painful.”
While I do know that some people would consider this highly offensive, because it does seem to place blame on someone for killing themselves, I think simply ache for that person. I don't believe we are just gone, I don't believe in the immediate end of our existence. Matter cannot be destroyed, so why should our consciousness just go "poof!"?
At the same time, know this: I am in NO way trying to convince others. I am simply saying that I mourn the loss of Robin William's existence on this plane, and hope that in the next, he finds more peace. He was brilliant in the sea of faces, and I know that sometimes brilliance can come with great weight. I don't blame him for trying to find relief. I just wish that relief on him, somewhere in time and space.
I struggle with my own depressions, and I have been at depths that have felt impossible. I have always felt, though, that my consciousness is bigger than my emotions, something precious that is always, always worth protecting and nourishing, no matter what.