Thursday, January 30, 2014

Look what they've done.

Because some days are a little gloomy and you need a bit of Miley Pre-Twerk and sunshine and folk songs. Look what they've done to my brain, Ma! Look what they've done!

Some days I win, some days I lose. I don't hold it against the universe. You have to have ebb and flow. The ocean wouldn't be itself without the tide. Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a bad time. I'm just experiencing changes to my life, which sometimes are more disruptive than others. It's not something to be frustrated about, it just is.

But sometimes your song doesn't sound right, it comes out all wrong.

Maybe you just need a new song.

Going to try some new.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

I took a trip, and my house got smaller.

I took a trip recently. My stepdaughter has come to stay for a while. She is 6, and I am tired. Not a bad tired, but a small-girl-is-asking-me-why-a-lot-recently, happy, adjusting to a new lifestyle tired. I have suddenly been thrust into the world of elementary school politics, after school activities, new girlfriends, schedules and lunch menus. I was looking forward to ramping up to all of this in the next few years with Leif entering part-time preschool, but nope. That's not what the Universe had in mind when mid January, 2014 came around. It said, "Kate, you don't have enough to keep you busy. You spend entirely too much time on Pinterest. Let's find you some new hobbies. Let's NOT get pregnant this month. Let's give you a challenge."

And so it did.

Here we are. My tiny house got tinier. But stepdaughter is pure joy, and I love being a mama to two. They are two little colliding universes, sometimes in unison, sometimes smashing together and creating new worlds. They are funny, smart and beautiful. They are a joy to watch, and a joy to teach. I am learning more about myself as a mother, and as a woman, in the last few days than I ever thought possible. The remind me that life is such a wonderful string of moments, and that mine is dripping with jewels and pearls. I will leave this world someday bedecked with such joy, I will glow like the sun.

I will leave this quote with you, as it is reminding me that stepping up to the challenges can be so rewarding:

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” -Paul Coelho

Friday, January 10, 2014

Three small words

My son took a while to get going with speech. I will admit, I spent some time of Google, wondering if he had a speech delay. He took his time. He listened. He studied us. He said all of 5 words at age 18 months. He had about 25 by age 2. And then he exploded. He now is extremely descriptive with colors, numbers, body parts, animals, vehicles, types of buildings, kinds of trees, etc. He has very elaborate conversations with me and my husband every morning, using facial expressions, hand gestures and lots of exclamations. In short, he is a typical 2 1/2 yr old.

There was just three small words he had yet to say...until today.

Leif has never said "I love you." For a while, it was all I could do to keep from crying when he would just stare at me when I would say, "Leif, can you say 'love you, mama'?". It would kill me when he would just turn away and go back to playing. I would sigh and say, "I love you, pal."

Dead silence.

I never stopped saying it, though. Over and over. I love you, Leif. I love you. It became a mantra. I sorta gave up that I would hear it, and stopped asking him to say it back.

Then, this morning, as I pulled him out of his back and wrapped him in his "truckit muckey towel" (chocolate monkey towel), I leaned down and kissed his wet head and said, "I love you, Leif."

"Huff you too, mama."


"Leif, what did you say??
"Huff you too, mama!"


"Uh-huh, yes mama!"


My kid loves me! I couldn't believe it. I scooped him up and kissed the life out of him. He was dripping wet and squirmy, but I couldn't be happier. I was so excited I called my husband and had him listen, for proof. I had my honest-to-God answer. Leif loves me back. My heart burst with love for this small, smart, quiet little boy. He loves me.

I can die happy now. I am so loved.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Yep. It's January.

“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

It has been an interesting week for me, with people in my life. I am trying to accept that changes come in all shapes and sizes, and that sometimes, you just really want to throw someone off a building. (I'm sorry if you cam here thinking this is a nice blog. It's not, really.) Through all of this, I have been trying to keep my hair on, and try not to scream too loudly. With each new tidbit, I try to imagine a drop in a bucket, and luckily, the bucket has a small hole in the bottom. It's not going to overflow. Whew. That doesn't seem to stop the drops, though.

I would tell you all about it, but chances are, I would offend. And I just can't handle offending the internet right now. Sorry, Internet. You are so fickle. 

So here I am. My kiddo seems to have a mild stomach bug, causing him to poo more than I care to deal with. My dogs are grumpy because it is so cold here and I refuse to stand around while they cavort on a walk, crashing into shrubbery. My eyebrows are going to freeze and fall off. My house is a massive sieve, and has no real insulation, being a log cabin with crappy chinking. I have the drive to eat everything in my refrigerator, just because, and then hibernate under my down comforter till spring. (I swear, I am a bear in a woman's body.) And damn it, I bought a butt-load of whole food, which means I can cook my ass off to make a bunch of healthy food, or just eat raw veg. I'm so lazy. 

I'n better, more positive news, I am happy, healthy and my hair is growing it's 47 installment of baby fuzz since my son was born almost 2 1/2 years ago. I have a halo. 

I'm so lucky. 

I'm linking with Life of Meg over here!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Saving Money in 2014 #1

Screw a gym membership. I'll just chase this little poo around.

So, I am on a mission to save money this year. I have started off in a blaze, with a monthly savings of $46 from my phone bill, and $25 every 6 weeks just in haircuts for my husband. WOOT. I am stoked.

My first exciting moment took place when hubby came home with a pair of clippers, and told me I was going to cut his hair. Ahhhhh! I was so nervous! My husband is notoriously picky about his hair, and I was petrified of cutting him. I settled in to YouTube for a few lessons from the pro's, but then I just did it. And it turned out great! He looks fantastic! I have some things I will do differently next time to make it easier, but I saved myself drive time, tipping and the cost of a hair cut, so I'm stoked!

The second one is still a work in progress, but the first stage dropped my bill $46 per month. Wow. I am looking at switching my phone to a more basic phone, since I use my computer for correspondence more than anything, and I am also not in need of a iphone all the time, thanks to wifi. I am looking into getting a really basic phone soon, so expect more savings!

All in all, I am really excited to save more money this year. I know it sorta sounds cheesy and weird, but it feels good to use less and pay off more bills. I'm really looking forward to seeing what else I can find to reduce my overall costs this year! Let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions for me!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Hello, Year 2014

I'm really looking forward to newness.

I'm looking forward to lots of things, actually. Here are a few:

Maybe I'll create a new baby. Wouldn't that be fun? They are so magical.
Maybe I'll save some money by cutting my husband's hair every 4 weeks. Haircuts are expensive!

Maybe I'll start to be artistic again. That would be wonderful. Here goes!
Maybe I'll go back to school. I have been thinking a lot about it.

Maybe I'll sleep less and read more. I think I have reached that age, when sleep is less necessary.
Maybe I spend more time outside in the sun...naked. That sounds healthy, I think.

Maybe I'll solid up some of my more voluptuous curves, the ones that make me a mama goddess. Or not. I'm not too worried. I am so creamy.
Maybe I'll wean my 2 yr old. Or maybe I'll let him do it. I haven't decided. No rush.

Maybe I'll write more, and smile more, and kiss more. Need a kiss?
Maybe I'll also commit to a few things as well.....

I will love better and more. I know that, solidly.
I will be a better mother.
I will remember that life is so short, and so beautiful. I will remember that the mayfly doesn't regret his short existence, he just simply loves and lives and dies.
I will continue to strive to be better each day, saying "Hello, Day One!" every single day.

Happy New Year, wonderful people.